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Karen Kellock
SPIRIT OF REJECTION
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Satan is trashing relationships through the Spirit of Rejection. These are old wounds from past pains: Childhood or prior unions ripped apart become festering wounds destroying all subsequent bonds.
Alienation, isolation, and rejection are paralyzing the church. Loneliness is like a plague as the ties knitting our lives together have unraveled: Covenant love has grown cold and casual contacts cannot replace them.
The tapestry of society is like a mass of individual threads no longer woven together. Broken divorced homes show our inability to stay in meaningful relationships. (In Cuba the divorce rate is 78%.)
Ask any modern school teacher how many children have the same original parents. The answer is always "Hardly any." The feeling of abandonment hurts and all these kids suffer from rejection.
Even if you can't explain it you can feel this painful reality in our souls. What is rejection and what does it do to people?
Rejection affects adults who are still carrying the scars of emotional, physical, or sexual abuse. These men and women look normal but inside they are filled with terrible insecurity, anger, or fear.
Others are sitting on a ticking emotional time-bomb of resentment and rebellion, just waiting to boil over into rage. These unhealed scars make one incapable of entering into committed, wholesome, long-term relationships.
The Spirit of Rejection from Satan undermines the confidence of many Christians, even interfering with true fellowship between friends. It is a lying spirit-- remember that!
Rejection is the worst pain the human spirit can suffer. Anyone who has been abandoned, abused or discriminated against can relate to this anguish. Let's examine this assault from Satan so we can recognize the mental oppression that hurts so much and ruins our lives.
Mind-Set of Rejection
First, the spirit of rejection is the ingrained script telling us we're unloved, unwanted or will never be good enough. This worldview starting in childhood makes us strive to earn our acceptance: we're driven to perform in order to be approved.
The rejection mindset makes us feel we're loved for what we do rather than who we are. It is demeaning as it robs us of peace. The sad thing is that no amount of achievement is ever enough to satisfy it.
In other people, the injustice of being treated unfairly (rejected or disrespected) makes them boil over in anger. They quit trying to fit in and rebel against everyone in an attempt to break out of the box being forced on them.
In refusing to be a victim they may victimize others. Resentment covers their soul like a dark shroud as they wind up in an emotional prison of their own making.
The mind-set of rejection is the result of believing a lie: a syndrome of self-talk programmed with falsehoods until in low self-esteem the victim says "Yes, it's true."
The lie becomes accepted when the victim agrees with the accusations--as they become their own accuser by internalizing the venom. They've closed their own door!
The deceit becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. The victim begins to expect to be rejected and thus sabotages their own relationships.
This mental stronghold of rejection is so powerful it will be torn down only when we find and believe in God's Word--the truth rather than the "big lie".
Only God's truth can set us free and connect us to His love which will cure our wounded souls. I know this pain as felt in the gut, but through God Satan's door was shut!
The Wounds of Rejection
The spirit of rejection also refers to the residue within our personality from being deeply wounded. It's like an ugly crust--the "wounded-gathering-thorns syndrome".
This mental or emotional scarring can occur due to being neglected, abandoned or abused.
It can also come from being betrayed, shamed, blamed or being made to feel unloved.
Racial discrimination leaves scars of rejection and sexually abused children suffer cruelly from this inner hurt.
Divorce can also leave a lingering, festering wound as the fear of being rejected makes a person run from relationships.
They reject others before they themselves are rejected. They spiritually "stiff-arm" those who try to get close.
Just like you can be injured in your flesh and form a bruise or a scar, so you can be injured in your inner man by developing a sensitive place or hardened area like a scab on your feelings.
When that irritated place gets touched, a reaction occurs in what the Bible calls a "wounded spirit."
One symptom of having a wounded spirit is that you feel absolutely nothing--like you are dead inside.
Another symptom is hypersensitivity in that area making you explode at the slightest provocation.
God's unconditional love, realized and received, can cure this wound.
A Lying Spirit called Rejection
The spirit of rejection is also a specific lying spirit, a demonic messenger from Satan.
This spirit whispers these five things to people: that they are unloved, not wanted, or ridiculous as the devil inflames other insecurities and fears.
This demon seeks to undermine the Christian's true standing before God as a saved, cleansed, loved and redeemed child of God.
He does this by lying and attempting to deceive the believer regarding God's love, the atoning work of the cross and our righteousness before God.
This lying spirit comes between family members and divides brothers and sisters and makes them feel isolated.
The spirit of rejection pours gasoline on the fires of racial hatred and male-female conflicts that could be resolved with maturity.
This demon is very successful in splitting up marriages, churches and partnerships. Just when things are going perfectly, everything erupts.
These are vital relationships which the Holy Spirit wants to establish between friends
and they are also necessary in the Body of Christ in order for God's work to be done.
Disunity, like divorce, often has this lying spirit as its agent provocateur.
The Spirit of Adoption
To understand the spirit of rejection, we need to understand its opposite: the spirit of adoption.
In the Bible, Romans chapter eight speaks of God's antidote to the spirit of rejection.
This cure comes from our Heavenly Father, through the grace of our Lord Jesus, and is born witness to by the Holy Spirit.
The Spirit of Adoption is the Holy Spirit telling us that God loves us and Jesus accepts us.
Sin and suffering cause people to be cut off from God and mistreat one another.
Many unsaved adults are mad at God or are so deeply hurt they blame God, not knowing it's Satan behind it all.
This resentment keeps them from feeling God's love. Their image of God is wrong so they refuse to accept Him.
God's grace offers us pardon even while we are angry and sinning!
God knows we need to be healed of the consequences of our sins and the injuries from others and our parents.
The spirit of adoption comes from heaven's throne. It can also be mediated by unconditional acceptance through other Christians--so nurture these relationships!
When we accept one another in Christ, loving relationships in Christ's body are formed.
The Holy Spirit connects us together and affirms our self-worth so we're empowered to appreciate each other.
God's merciful provision for our healing comes by Christ's atonement on the cross.
It is made real and effective in our lives when we confess our sins and receive His forgiveness.
Then the Holy Spirit comes into our heart and testifies that we're now God's child.
He does this by bearing witness in our spirit that we are adopted by God: the spirit of adoption occurs no matter what we have done!
The spirit of adoption goes beyond believing that God loves us--it's the actual felt love of God so we can know God loves us. It ends loneliness, literally forever!
This marvelous work of affirming who we are in Christ is the work of the Holy Spirit--the Spirit of truth we must hang onto no matter what.
He only bears witness to what is true--testifying that we are truly loved by God--so we may walk away from abusers: cowardly men who make life hell for anyone close to them.
Those thoughts will remove the soil of sin and confirm we are His children, never condemning nor driving us away as men do.
God will always tell us the truth in a merciful way--not in a hurtful, painful and rejecting way as men do.
Believing the truth about what Jesus did for us and who we are in Christ sets us free. We need to believe both aspects of the truth about Jesus and about ourselves.
TRUTH: GOD LOVES US
The truth is God loves us in a tremendous way. Men ruled by Satan are users and abusers--so instead of a happy, giggly, joyous life one ends up unhappy, devalued, jealous, miserable and terrified. I have been in this position and never want to experience it again.
Men riddled with their own scars project out this pain to wives and girlfriends, who must get the upper hand--only through Jesus who himself suffered the pains of rejection. If you serve the devil--your abusers--he uses you improperly as Satan destroys you by ripping you to shreds!
Satanic men are constantly misusing a woman. You are sliding into hell with the devil as your life becomes miserable. Tho' the relationship started loving, the devilish abuser turns you into his victim not a happy space cruiser.
Abuse is the worst thing that can happen to women, and those who stay in these destructive relationships have no value of who they are. If you take these things from men, they will only get worse in their compulsion to make you unhappy from their disrespect.
You get respect if you demand it and earn it. You just can't let them do and say anything they want. A man who abuses you verbally--even if it's just dropping hints to incur jealousy--does not love you. If you're allowing abuse, shame on you--Christians are supposed to have backbone!
DROP HIM
& Get Ready for Soul Mate!
After a failed one-sided relationship of unrequited love, if a man does not love you or want to marry you have nothing to do with him. You must not give him the privilege of your friendship--for taking advantage of your love and being indifferent to your feelings is wrong and he will pay. Never put yourself on the begging end which you automatically do when trying to maintain "friendship" in an unrequited love situation! Now question if you really want this man--do you really love boring bar conversation and senseless TV? Like you need junk! Why not stay alone and wait for God's hunk?
MEAN MEN WILL RUIN YOUR LIFE
Abusive men will sit on you, step on you, make you feel lonely and empty. Though usually subtle it's a painful emotional muddle--that's the devil and he must get out! Are you sad or unhappy today? God your Father gives you joy and excitement! While man only destroys your value, God won't hurt nor abuse you--and will always be there for you.
Nothing is worse than this kind of disrespect and dishonor because we will never complete our work nor possess the land as long as men devalue us as they do. The devil--through men--is trying to annihilate you and tear you to shreds! Get past all this so you can be happy and finally free.
The devilish man is charming--he will woo you then strip you of your value. Men these days think every woman can be had for there are cheap women everywhere! Some men will just move on to the next--that's how much they care.
FLIP-FLOPS & STING-SHOTS
There are two immediate indicators of a sick relationship--where one partner is manipulating the other: "sting-shots" (messages sent for desired reactions), and "flip-flops" (reality switches and cycles).
Sting-shots are made for manipulation and control, intended to push buttons. Examples are bringing up past transgressions at timely moments, exploiting the other's worst fears and jealousies and hinting to test response rather than asking outright, making jokes and innuendoes about sex to test, making comments about other women at timely moments to provoke a reaction from a jealous wife, presexual courting behaviors in contrast to post orgasmic emotional withdrawal ("come here, go away"), wild accusations to compensate for guilty, general guilt-tripping and moral, intellectual and emotional degradation of the other, the silent treatment in the form of not talking ,writing, attending to or calling. Sting-shots intend to decrease self-esteem of the other.
Flip-flops: If sting-shots arouse anxiety and the appropriate reaction by stinging, flip-flops arouse anxiety by terrifying. There are various cycles evoked by one partner "flipping" to another tape in his cycle, bringing on her reactions with the complementary tape in her cycle. The only way to adjust to a vacillating spouse is to become part of the problem, since any adjustment is vacillatory and schizoid: the two cycles intermesh like two spokes of wheels.
Flip-flops maintain relationships by the recurrent reactivation of infantile fears of maternal (i.e. UNIVERSAL) rejection. When the one vacillates suddenly the other reacts with terror of primal rejection and labels this terror "hurt", "desperate love" and "undying loyalty".
This is the infantile reaction to early rejection: in stead of hating the rejector (and facing the possibility of infant death) the rejection is taken as evidence that one is unworthy and unlovable and frantic action is taken to maintain the relationship. Despite the terror from the flip-flopper withdrawal feelings are far worse--until you choose life not the hearse.
Secondly, terror is labeled as hurt and sexual "excitement" or attraction (hunting with fear). In contrast healthy people don't take rejections as indicators of unworthiness, it does not trigger the infantile (primal) conflict and thus the frightening flip-flop does not bring on "desperate love" feelings for a worthless cad!
If a man is sleeping with you but insists he doesn't love you nor wish to commit to you this is nothing but MIXED SIGNALS driving you mad inside. This man says you have to ties--about everything he lies. What he's doing to you in this contradictory world you must despise! Does this man visit single woman unchaperoned in their homes? Is it not the lush's loose living causing your cries?
Healthy people are confused and terrified with sting-shots and flip-flops and instantly exit the bad energy. But neurotics take such tactics for granted as the way the world works as they probably grew up with the problem. Neurotics suffer with these tactics without knowing why, blindly and willingly exploited by the other who knows the exact "control" buttons to push. That's how our nervous system has adapted.
A destructive relationships is a painful addiction. As a result of tunnel-vision based on fear the neurotic just sees triggers for his worst fears and then only data to partially resolve the fear. But the more independent life is avoided through fear the more inadequate one feels. Fears which grow through avoidance become solid self-confirming reasons for addictive love--for the armored and fearful neurotic perceives only reason for fear.
Paradoxically this need brings hatred of the object of the addiction since it is not working in its purpose to make one whole and thus he needs it more but enjoys it less. The person is whole when he sees that freedom is better than this life with a conflicted man who flips between two realities to suit his momentary needs-- a person who is "busted, disgusted and cannot be trusted".
True intimacy and love (without fusion or fear of fusion) comes only with emotional growth. With emotional immaturity comes fear of fusion and inability to relate intimately. Fusion is not intimacy--because true intimacy entails TRUST. Trust is completely absent in these relationships where part of the efficacy of sting-shots comes from abusing confidences for verbal ammunition. The only way out is recovery through self-esteem and the changed premises about the world as one's arena not prison to be avoided. The only recovery is GOD.
Recovery: There are two indicators of emotional growth: (1) The Art of Walking Away (gently and immediately) which comes as a result of heightened self-esteem and the awareness that one has limitless opportunities to be loved by positive confirmers. This precludes the constant need of reassurance and attention. The art of walking away and reconnecting to more appropriate relationships (substituting the workable for non-workable) is just the natural evolution of human systems.
Since like attracts like and people choose mates at equal levels of maturity, people in the process of becoming will gravitate towards those confirmers of the higher points. Mate-selection is non-random and the biggest indicator of one's emotional maturity. Healthy relationships encourage growth even though the relationship must dissolve: healthy people see others as teachers.
The second manifestation of growth is the (2) immediate "sting" from flip-flops and sting-shots which used to get desired reactions. With heath comes the need and expectancy of stability and continuity in other's communication since ours is now stable. As these two devices were taken for granted before now they are novel and strange and reason to question the trustworthiness of the other to love. If one stays in, adapts to and attempts to ignore the unpredictability of this environment he is or will be just as unpredictable.
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MAN THE ADAPTIVE ANIMAL
Man is an adaptive animal--he adapts to his environment. When it's flip-flopping and sting-shotting the other reacts accordingly and SICKNESS SETS IN. After a lifetime of these emotional traumas from relationships many saints choose a life of single celibacy as a glorious escape from instability.
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Recovering From Rejection by Monsters
God understands rejection and knows how to remedy its pain. Christ was rejected when He came to His own people and they would not receive Him. "He came to that which was his own, but his own did not receive him." (John 1:11). He endured rejection when He bore our sins. "He was despised and rejected by men, a man of sorrows, and familiar with suffering. Like one from whom men hide their faces he was despised, and we esteemed him not." (Isaiah 53:3).
In other words, he specifically included in His suffering the substitutionary pain which was required to relieve us of our rejection. He bore it so we don't have to. On the cross, He felt the pain of being cut off from his heavenly Father. "My God, my God, why hast thou forsaken me?" (Mt. 27:46). Have you not felt this same thing when involved with undependable people?
God understands your feelings. Therefore He can be touched with your pain and is ready to heal you! "For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are-- yet was without sin. Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need. (Hebrews 4:15-16).
Diagnosing Rejection
Here's how to diagnose if you suffer from the spirit of rejection. Three areas to examine are circumstances, emotions, and thoughts.
Let's start with your circumstances. Did you have an alcoholic parent? Were your parents divorced? Were you abused? Have you been abandoned or betrayed in marriage? Have you suffered from discrimination? Have you had to break away from a controlling relationship? Have you been repeatedly de-valued as a person? If you fit any of these categories, then you could be a victim of the rejection syndrome.
Now let's consider your emotional hot-buttons. Do you have great difficulty receiving correction? Do you take it personally and get offended? Do you resent all authority? Do you get angry for no apparent reason?
Or, do you have an unnatural need for everyone to like you? Does the need for approval control your decisions? Does insecurity sweep over you? Are you plagued by chronic self-doubt? Do you wrestle with chronic bouts of loneliness? At times, do you despair of life, or are you tempted to take your own life? If so, then you probably battle rejection.
In addition to these diagnostic questions, ask yourself this about your thought life. What kind of thoughts run through your mind when you are with a group of people? Would you characterize these thoughts as mostly negative or positive? The spirit of rejection inserts these kinds of thoughts: "These people don't love me." "They won't talk to me." I'm not worthy to be here." "I know they are judging me." "They don't really want me here." This is mental torment that typifies the spirit of rejection.
Inner Healing & Deliverance
If these questions point to your problem as the spirit of rejection, then you need to take it to God in prayer. If the problem persists, get someone to pray with you for deliverance. But first, realize this, rejection often carries with it unforgiveness toward those who have offended you. We might have been an innocent victim but we have to take responsibility now for our reactions.
We can't do away with our will and our choices or our reactions. We can be sinned against, begin to cherish a grudge, and as a result sin against our oppressors. Unforgiveness is itself a sin.
God's grace will enable you to make a choice, to give forgiveness to all those for whom you hold grudges. This is important! Freedom won't come without this vital step of forgiving others.
In this case, your forgiveness must be explicit, by name, and it must be spoken aloud even if it is only to God, and even if it is for someone who is now dead. That does not matter. God is the judge of the living and the dead. Don't make any exceptions.
Don't allow any resentment to remain in your heart. Healing begins with a decision to repent and to give undeserved forgiveness. Give away grace and God will give grace to you. Repent of all bitterness and hatred.
When forgiveness is totally accomplished, it paves the way for successful inner healing. Inner healing is the actual curing of your soul of the wounds and traumas you have suffered and accumulated.
GOD WILL MAKE YOU WELL AND HAPPY
The finger of God touches the sore spots and makes them well. This is the transformation of the inner man, the end to unrighteous reactions and automatic defenses. It is being at peace in Christ. This inner healing must accompany deliverance. The place where damaged emotions have given way to this mind-set of rejection must be torn down, or else deliverance will be merely temporary.
GOD WILL HEAL YOUR THOUGHT LIFE--NO MORE FEAR AND PAIN
The house of your thought life must be swept and cleaned, then occupied with God's reassuring truth and love. Determine to think God's thoughts. This is a decision you must make in order to be free. Automatic judgments, racial prejudices, and defensive reactions need to be removed. Take all negative thoughts captive. Don't let them rule over your mind. Replace them with words and images of faith that come from your heavenly Father.
Take God's thoughts, God's attitude, God's will as your creed, not the words of this sinful world. Repeat what the Scriptures say until they replace the lies you've heard. Soak in God's word and let it renew your mind.
Meditate on the Scriptures until faith, hope, and self-acceptance fills your personality. This takes time but it is something you can do for yourself.
Renounce the spirit of rejection and stand against it. To renounce means to take a stand against something that you had previously been identified with or had claim to.
Like renouncing your citizenship, it is a legal action that has power to affect your status. Pray aloud and say with your own words that rejection will not rule over you.
Instead, ask God for His fatherly affirmation. Ask God to give you the spirit of adoption. Every child needs to hear their father's voice saying, "You're mine and I love you!"
After you've prayed against rejection, read the Scriptures especially the New Testament. They teach us our new identity in Christ, to "lay aside the old self" and "be renewed in the spirit of your mind." (Eph. 4:22)
Replace Satan's lies with God's word. Soak your thoughts in the truth of who God is, what He has done for you and who you are in Christ. Banish all self-doubts. Tell yourself the truth until you truly believe it. Find new friends in Christ who affirm you and love you with God's love. "See how great a love the Father has bestowed upon us, that we should be called the children of God." I John 3:1.
Recovering in Community
God loves us so much He accepts us just as we are! Yet, He loves us too much to leave us like we are. This tension between acceptance and transformation is the balancing act of divine love.
God tells us the truth about ourselves so that He can build us up not put us down. God's love is full of light. It illuminates our hurt areas then it heals them.
Having the light hit our injured heart may seem painful at first. But Biblical repentance always leads to restoration. Why? Because that's the nature of our wonderful Lord. He is a true redeemer.
Our Father in heaven knows we cannot change ourselves. So, He credits us with the worthiness of Christ while He works in us and on us to conform us to Christ's image. Here is where we learn to believe the right thing, and a result, to have the right feelings, and to behave properly. The cross is our exchange post. At the cross of Christ we exchange our sins for His righteousness, our failure for His success, our guilt for His holiness. And all the while, God wants to surround us with other transformed believers who can help us make the journey.
One part of our Father's plan is the community of believers. Here is where we learn to belong in the body of Christ. God wants to plant us in a place that will help us stay well. Here, we experience God's love through human hands. "Now hope does not disappoint because the love of God has been poured out in our hearts by the Holy Spirit who has been given to us." (Rom. 5:5 NAS). God's kind of love constantly believes the best. It is always filled with hope and encouragement. God's love has a vertical dimension, between God and us. It also has a horizontal dimension between us and others.
The essence of Christian community is our acceptance of and acceptance by our brothers and sisters in Christ. "Wherefore, accept one another, just as Christ also accepted us to the glory of God." (Romans 15:7) Unfortunately, some churches are sick with legalism. Some groups emphasize individualism so much that no one ever thinks to love one another or to build Christian community.
It is important for Christians who are recovering from a spirit of rejection to belong to a church which is not contaminated by an atmosphere of criticism. That error results in an emphasis on law instead of grace. According to Romans 7, this defeats the purpose of grace and aggravates our failures. Instead, we need to walk in the grace that sets us free by virtue of Christ's complete atonement and His indwelling presence in our lives. The church should be a place where it is safe to be a sinner on the way to being saved, where we feel loved even when we know we are still weak and imperfect.
God's Word prevails over the spirit of rejection. The Father's mercy, poured out by the Holy Spirit in the church, affirms for us God's love and acceptance.
God wants to heal us of the internal strongholds that have been hidden inside us. Only then, with Christ's love and authority and truth, can we be prepared and strengthened to pull down the external or heavenly strongholds that damage society and enslave humanity.
Dr.Marikelok@cableusa.com