BOOKS REVIEWS CHURCH WORKS ARTS KK.ORG KK.COM
From Gabbing and Gorging to
The True Lady is Gentle Worldliness, not Worldly Grossness
The author has found a brand new life at age 61 experiencing each moment as a 16 year old. I have never been more creative. Each day and hour is flamboyant and lucid with new sights and sounds. All this intensity comes after much difficulty and pain, but a midlife transformation changed all that and now my elder days are packed-in with ecstatic enjoyment. To partake of this bliss one must be strong enough to discount--not take on--the cultural perceptions of aging as an inferior state. We must also know that True Mature Beauty comes from repentance and a contrite heart—then cosmic radiant joy off the chart.
In
becoming “adults” we sacrificed parts of self to adapt, but with age these
voices clamor for expression. If in retirement we surrender the social image,
we can now fish from the deep. Now longings and untapped reservoirs are
revealed, for unlived lives are like ringing doorbells we refuse to answer. We
stop the ringing by distractions like T.V. but still it screams from the pit:
voices of the explorer, the creative child, the student begging for attention,
the repressed desire to speak out—to finally have clout. When ignored these
betrayed voices go underground, making us seek out the town or just succumb to
being unsound. But when in retirement pressures recede and time becomes
endlessly unstructured it all comes to the surface starving for attention.
Having refused the call of destiny (to choose the inner voice over the outer)
now we must complete its call.
If we can’t realize unlived life, we should shift awareness to the hidden blessings in the path we took. Now we see our history couldn’t have been any other way: For example, I felt shame for food problems but with age began to see it as destiny so I could write books on food, fasting and recovering from compulsion. I could tell the world my war story and how to gain victory. I could develop a diet and routine to banish disordered eating from many lives. So why feel shame? With repentance we gain fame—that’s the game as God turns all bad to all good for those letting the self be tamed.
As
elders we re-assemble life in three parts: recontextualizing, forgiving and
reclaiming unlived life. In so doing we reshape our experience to see the
unique character, charm and meaning of that unique (once-in-a-time)
life—despite the weird, ridiculous and “unforgivable” things we did. Most of us
received “hot potatoes” from the people shaping our original templates as we
inherited judgments, fears and restraints—and these in turn shaped our (often
absurd) behavior. In this last life phase we forgive it all while going far
deeper--as eldering work examines the template, changes its form and contents
and then heals relationship grudges. This inner repair expands self by
transcending the petty “I” and re-connecting to nature and God—an expansion
bringing real joy and anxiety-relief. Life turns out to be an organic process
created by God to enhance us and make us strong, and this global awareness
instantly releases cynical depression: For what a joyous experience--accepting
the inevitable rightness of how events unfolded, marveling at the living work of
art we’ve become as the spirit completes us. No matter what, it was right!
Wasted decades? No way for these circuitous paths taught us the most. No
matter how bleak and painful they created the perfect stew—who we are today, the
highest display.
MATURE AGING IS INNER NOT OUTER
When we
were young we let groups construct reality and these implants degraded our life
from the opulence it could have had when going inward. Now we’re better off
solo with just a few people with whom we interact. Then the True Self can
really alight as we substitute negative cultural stereotypes of aging for
positive universal archetypes of elder dignity instead. To get to the joyous
universal, give up on the cultural. In universal fairytales age brings
richness as meaning continues to expand. With this true maturity, one’s inner
amplitude (receptivity to the moment) goes deeper so the past collapses and each
moment becomes “pithy” with rich meaning. But in the cultural view age is
narrowed vision, uselessness, disease and lost meaning. We must never identify
ourselves through cultural stereotypes but only via universal archetypes for all
cultures are sick to a degree: Only the transcendent is richly relevant (truly
mature) human experience.
Universal aging (“oriental aging”) is a positive increase into more meaningful
wholes. I call this belle aging, connoting increased beauty and
symbolizing “rings-a-bell: speaks with hitting the nail on the head wisdom.”
We ring-a-bell in the collective unconscious because we are universal archetypes
recognizable to all. This is true dignity, having cut away all superfluous
elements (culture-race-gender) from the core of the True Self. We are
belle-gorgeous, belle-recognized though never seen before. We become the
“well-known unknown”--a uniquely one-time-in-history event. The “I” is a symbol
of eternity, it’s image encrypted on the moon. Belle aging is a sage getting
better every day with no envy of youth. Facing death instantly dissolves all
the guilts and shames of this temporal life, and freed of these major psyche
blocks the elder is “grand”: a joy to be around as he helps others through the
“shame” and “guilt” from being youthfully outer-directed.
Gorgeous
belle aging comes from personal firepower: the explosive vibes that out-dazzle
mere anatomy making age irrelevant. Belle aging is pure personality built
through years and character--rarified charm, a special presence growing with the
years. True “sexiness” has nothing to do with age unless one defines “sexy” in
the most stereotyped and boring way—superficially or culturally (a “stud” yet
still Elmer Fudd). From the human point of view “sexiness” is a manifestation
of personality and character, not of prowess (the way we view lower animals). In
and of itself the sex act has little to do with the aura of sexuality a man or
woman projects. “Rarified charms” grows as the years write on the face and
this is sexiness. Character, personality and aura are hard-won and take time
like a fine wine.
Take the ageless allure of older movie idols: artists and media heroes seducing the world through the camera. As they grow older their special presence grows, not dims. Each one is a master of his own craft and masterful men are sexy. The central paradox of this charisma is non-dependence on aggressive super-sexuality. What was most winning about Cary Grant was his indifference to such--his muscles never gleamed but his wit sure did: subtlety was his style. He gave “fun” its proper high status and in its pure form, fun is rare. Innocence and subtlety are achievements of time. Having witnessed evil and vulgarity the elder increasingly chooses the purely refined—dry wit, not the gross pits (George Burns not Howard Sterns).
“Limitless zest” doesn’t wane. Who else but the elder makes “well-being” so
subtly attractive? Who else so rarely succumbs to self-pity? These aged humans
are never boring but with an infinite capacity for surprise--more growth, more
zest. We must grow as ageless children or pay more for remaining “adult.” The
mature man learns to ceaselessly dare, setting out on new adventures, a picture
of the manic energy of youth but with more unvarying excellence, fascination
and experimentation with time. Though not eternally young, he is eternally
ageless. For him growing older means triumphantly growing into his own skin--no
one’s ever bored in his presence. When aged neither vanity nor narcissism
dulls his appeal—for he has a right to it as one who relates to spirit (his own
and God’s).
SUPREME SELF-CONFIDENCE
The
older human knows when to talk, when not to and when not to argue with a lush or
a louse. As ego recedes he has learned not to fight but to rise above. He
tries not to provoke and has learned the fine art of walking away gently.
Having transcended cultural stereotypes he can see across race and gender
lines. He is of the world—he can truly communicate. The mature elder
talks poetry or he doesn’t talk.
The mature human possesses supreme self-confidence and this style is the man or woman. Due to panoramic vision he understands love when most complicated, terrifying, hilarious and true and he can love women at their worst: driven, obsessed or threatening. Younger men are always judging stereotypically (old-young, male-female, rich-poor) while older men have seen too many surprises for that. A woman is freer with the elder--as he ages he is more her model for his panoramic vision. The appreciation of True Mature Beauty comes with age as when free of habits that blind he can see eternity. Those who cling to sin to curb anxiety (from aging and stereotypes) succumb to the cultural view of beauty which abandons nature and then oneself—more so with age (hardly a sage). But those who face the reality of nature become their own world’s rage.
SEXY OLDER WOMEN
The best
thing about the older man is his ability to appreciate the older woman. Belle
aging in women shows elegance and sweetness together--the rare lady. The true
lady is gentle worldliness not seduction or feminism! The older man sees
eternity in her--she represents it all in one ever-changing symbol:
always-lovely, well-groomed, long-married, durable, reassuringly stable,
home-and-heart devoted, responsible, respectable. She loves everyone in her
charge. The man who loves this wife is the most revered and together they make
the royal couple. A good example is Joanne Forsythe, an adored wife called “my
lady” with reverence--a real sense of adoration for what the wife can do. Her
husband constantly provided settings in which the world could see what he saw in
her. These older men are the best role models for floundering husbands for due
to their long marriages, mellowed-out-maturity and honest affection their strong
male presence is expanded. That’s all any Queen ever wanted or demanded. A
faithful loving husband is the best man ever landed!
SELF-CONFIDENCE TAKES THE PRIZE
These
older men could have all fallen victim to the social stereotypes of age but
they didn’t allow themselves to. Their eternal charm lies in being more
themselves as the seasons pass. Their victory over time is to embrace it, for
their character and personality increases with age. Self-confidence takes the
prize as they disprove all stereotypes about age and lost sex appeal, for
self-image grows from years of interacting with others. Those in the know see
older as better—it’s the difference between a rat and an Irish Setter. If men
want to be really—authentically—magnetic (i.e. sexy) they should heed the
advice of this letter.
OLDER SPIRITS ARE VESSELS: EXEMPLARS
The same
holds true in the arts. The older writer is invisible--he is only the
vessel through which inspiration comes. He is out of the way yet ever-present:
a present from God, an exemplar and yet a paradox whom few know and many may
hate. Being above logic, gravity and age he is paralogic---known and
controlled only by God who makes no sense to carnal man. Even he doesn’t know
why he writes what he does--he just does it without question in each moment and
this is the highest possible path. He has given up reasoning and just acts from
instinct made more automatic through the years as he releases society. The
older human represents eternity and universal (not cultural) truths—this is
true wisdom. With time habits dissolve which maintain the ego and thus he is
more humble, more loved. What did his ego create when young? By the herd he
was shoved.
COALESCENCE
Lucid Life Review
For
women aging is particularly hard. Having received their “worth” from
childbearing years now past they mourn this loss but then enter a new joyous
phase of
coalescence--a postmenopausal stage which goes very deep. As
everything learned to this point comes together they come to their summit, and
this cues the fascinating phase of life-review with intense lucid recall of
sights, smells and feelings. Capturing these little gems is many times more
interesting than outer entertainment. These little “sparks” of recall may only
bore others, for like fasting, prayer or recalling dreams they should be
enjoyed alone. If I were to recount these reviews to a friend I would miss the
next jewel sparked in consciousness.
CRONES ALONE ARE SHOWN
The
crones are postmenopausal single females who are either never taken seriously or
burned as witches (too psychic or they use herbs), or they are respected as
loving harbingers of new life--health and wealth. Actually the crone is a very
smart, creative female who’s too busy to abide the intrusion of society. These
single eccentrics live longest and are the most productive. Being free, they can
give the most to an orphaned and lost world. The crone is the Biblical “eunuch”
who is valued by God over the married woman as she loves and takes her orders
from God first, while the latter loves spouse and world for the worst.
The
inability to handle intrusion is a mark of genius and spirituality—it is the
very private “cerebrotonic” or savant-autistic (socially separate wizard). She
wants only the company of God for none other compares. Every moment is so
packed with fascination it’s rare the human who could distract from this
bliss. The married take orders from spouse and world, the single enjoy peace
with God (all dreams unfurled). Crones and singles enjoy life to the max--the
carefree crone is simply someone who no more puts up with puffed-up, prideful,
pitiful personalities. That release few can ever know, for it’s knowing God
instead. It’s the absence of being filled with dread, like the past social life
she led.
Crones
have a detached capacity to love, uncorrupted by need. Far from lonely they
have a great vocation as people instinctively flow in for divine wisdom. In
contrast, those fearing age fall into a no-exit trap called avidya
(ignorance) by the Hindus: a state of unawareness. fearful contraction and
clinging (to people and habits) that denies access to the future where all the
glory lies. People who can’t look ahead back into the future--moving
onward while clinging to what is gone forever. Backing into the future they
see only dark failures, broken plans, regrets/resentments, unresolved and
ruptured relationships--the emotional “hot-spots” darkening the moment.
Shutting off the future leaves nothing but physical decline. That’s not the
life of mine. God packs in enjoyment to the very end—that’s my tend. I look
forward with glee as God increasingly glorifies me.
Resisting the flow of time while editing out signs of mortality leads to depression or a blank psychic field like Alzheimer’s Disease. When you reject the truth you are forced to accept a lie--that youth is superior and that aging is sadly inferior. Not so. Paradoxically only conscious aging--accepting death--frees and releases our burden. No more shame, guilt or fear of age, for this very acceptance of death releases true elder beauty and joy. Fear brings wrinkles, the joy of acceptance brings translucency of complexion. Her laughter brings health and cheer making her a dear as she dries the tear and quiets all fears.
The
denial of death is a safety factor in youth-“save life at any cost” as threats
trigger the fight-flight response of adrenaline pumped through blood. It serves
in youth but interferes with eldering when we need only to contemplate, meditate
and pray to encounter thanatos without panic. It is in the facing of the
terrors of aging and death as part of the spiritual journey that we find courage
and wisdom. In confronting death we gain a new orientation in life. Purged of
self-concern we awake to the splendors of the moment and little things:
flowers, birds, puppies, friends. Released from myopic self-interest and the
terror of death we can now serve others. Having been liberated from
youth-obsession we become future-oriented, discounting all bad images of “old”
by showing the world our zest, joy, service and deep symbolic meaning to
everything. Now free of panic the new-found energy pushes open the happy door
to “elderhood.” We feel much better as the future opens. But to enter this
inner sanctuary we must review the past in a healthy light, by
recontextualizing failures into successes, releasing resentments and
reconnecting to unlived life we sacrificed on the way.
COMING TO TERMS WITH THE PAST
The main
task of eldering is to reflect on the wealth of our past experiences. Once life
review is set off we have a kaleidoscope of perceptions and revelations like
bursts of exhilarated energy. These are lucid sights, sounds and smells that so
enrich experience that both life review and enjoying the moment become intense
explorations. Eldering is the time of the receptive mode and all the joys of
relating to eternity: The phantasmagoria of our own rich history combined with
sun-moon-stars. These powerful God-made forces were blocked out in the
tunnel-vision of youth’s pursuits. It is the flame of accepted mortality
which opens this abundant life as we can now see the entire past
differently, just as the present--elemental reality of planets and angels--is
transformed in our eyes. Our era of conquering and enduring cold love is now
over so we can see everything in a brand new light. Now the pain is gone we
can see the good in all while staying gentle—a fawn walking tall.
SELF-FORGIVENESS AND SYNCHRONICITY
God says
“my thoughts are not your thoughts.” We thought we were right but now see we
were wrong. We see how much betrayal and treachery were triggered by our own
sins. We were blind to our own foibles which were clearly visible to others who
reacted accordingly. In youth we jumped to conclusions now re-examined in
maturity. When young and vulnerable we saw the world as for or
against us--a view reinforced by the hurts and betrayals conspicuous in
mind. As age brings breadth these basic views are bashed as we “see” why they
turned. We must escape the prison of early conclusions for “the facts were
there but my conclusions were wrong.”
GOD TURNS ALL-BAD TO ALL-GOOD
It’s Jesus’ Answer to the hood
Parts of
self are still stuck in past pain where stunted experience cries to be healed.
We’ve left home but the wounded child still weeps. Set the prisoners free: It
is inner repair which releases us from jail, for unresolved we always fail. The
past of strained relationships, sudden trauma and incorrigible irritants forced
us into peculiar adaptations. But when we see how these negatives produced the
real successes of maturity we can now revisit them saying “yes!” to the pearls
the paltry (even perverted) past pains imparted. In all cases no matter what
has occurred God turns all-bad to all-good for those who love Him (all bad
history becomes blurred). Reviewing the past shows the true gains coming from
loss: the higher realm beyond guilt-ridden anxiety reveals the hidden
benefits. As mature adults looking back we can do reconstructive surgery on
ourselves. Free of the past and society--in synchrony with nature--we’ve
become elves as dusty dank memories we’ve put on the shelves. Instead we go
deep inside--the domain into which every spiritual giant delves.
SIN BROUGHT HATE—THEY WERE IRATE
In True
Maturity we can see how our own sins removed the hedge protecting us from foes
as evil flowed right in. And all these years we blamed everybody else! Or we
see how openness to evil elements put us in exile--from ourselves, God and His
protections. All we ever had to do was just say NO to flesh and world--our
people-tragedies were self-created. Having swallowed that bitter pill we can
now take total pleasure in the senses, free of all obsessive-compulsion. True
pleasure is non-compulsive!
I was bitter over destiny but now feel grateful to be alive having survived all the challenges of life. Are you riddled with resentment? Reframe your failures into success by giving testimony for life’s severest teachers: list all the past foes and invite them back mentally thanking them for good coming from bad. This alchemy--making gold on aging resentments--converts resentment into gratitude, acceptance and peace. You’ll be amazed at how it all fits—how they led to your divine best. The worst in your life, the greatest losses of dignity led to your crest. It is reframing the past and forgiveness which fills you with zest.
It is
forgiveness which reformats the templates driving us wild. Using the device of
time-stretching we reach back to repair the hurts, broken promises, acts of
betrayal and unhealed scars closing our hearts. The grudge keeps us in the
dark--there is no creativity, energy or jubilance here. Forgiveness reveals
our own role in the dysfunction and thus we face our shadow--the despised,
rejected inner self who trips us up. Self-forgiveness for unconsciously creating
the toxic situation unites and then releases the foe as friend for greater life
and love. Did your arrogant, stubborn behavior create conflicts? Did the
grasping nature of sin trigger cruel hatred in those closest? Daily forgiveness
facilitates life harvesting and release--lest they effect the immune system.
Reject resentment or fail and die. Forgive, take the throne and prolong your
life.
HOWARD STERNS TYPES DOWNGRADE ELDERS
No one
has done more damage to eldering enlightenment and elevation than Howard Sterns
types. Admired and loved by uncouth youth—they love young chicks but castigate
the mature-lure. Young beauty is an accident but older beauty is an
achievement! Yet these types make the latter into a joke. If this culture can
ever mature we must remove his yoke. To ridicule the older woman while making
meat of the younger makes him a danger to society. It isn’t just sexual
indecency but his ageist orientation, his youthist coronation: a very low
vibration, the making of a degenerate nation. All across the land men listen to
Sterns hours in the day then mimic cruel ageist remarks to females turning
gray. The whole second half of life which should be the most productive and
useful he seeks to slay. Return to our strong admired beginnings—recover the
dignity of our great land: Recover the clan, regain respect for the elders (you
can!) and return to how we began.
Now because you faced death and reframed your history, you’ve extended your life accordingly